Family Feud: Shakes-peer
- Brian Scaccia
Once upon a time there was a war, more of a feud actually, between the only two families in the town of Pomona. It would have been a village instead of a town except for the fact that the families were really big. The Montgomerys and the Catapults were constantly fighting. (Over what no one really knows, maybe a cow). There were gunfights daily which were held high noon-style as in any other old west town; except for the fact that they were held promptly at 12:45 because tea was at noon and they needed to allow some time to let it settle. One night the Catapults decided they would hold a hoe-down, a shindig. (What's with all the references to farm tools and their uses?) The impetuous Rodeo, who was a Montgomery, along with his friends Benny and Merc, decided to crash this square dance. While two-steppin' the night away, Rodeo meets a lovely cowgirl, Marionette, awash in her beauty (which is good because he hasn't bathed in weeks), he falls deeply in love and decides not to pull himself out. That night he returns to her barn and calls aloft to the hayloft. Marionette comes to the window, probably because they can't afford a balcony, and says, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Probably referring to his recent awashing. The two lovebirds call to the local Fryer (because they're out of roasting hens) and ask to get married. After the ceremony they return home for a roll in the hay. The next day Rodeo, Benny, and Merc saunter down the street. While sauntering, an unnamed man fires a shot from the grassy knoll on the other side of the plaza. Merc falls after the immortal statement, "I am hurt." Rodeo, in all of his rage, returns a beautifully orchestrated volley of fire, (no small feat considering how hard it is to play volleyball and conduct symphony at the same time). The man, who is later identified but is kept secret by the CIA for "security" purposes, turns out to be a long lost relative of Marionette's. Rodeo is ousted from town and not allowed to